So I'm making a decision to just start going with it...whatever "it" is and whatever that really means, I'm not entirely sure. But we all start somewhere, right? And this is where I am choosing to start.
I'm reading Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project," which is inspiring me to entertain the idea of starting my own "happiness project." More precisely, it's encouraging me to consider making a plethora of random resolutions, which is actually just a fancier sounding version of trying to change/improve the way I've been living life. Reading this book has led me to start thinking about what those things are that I want to change. The next step will be devising a plan to actually implement change.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here...I still have a long way to go in just identifying what it is that I want to change or feel like I need to change. Which leads me to another point...one of Rubin's Twelve Commandments (the first actually) is to "Be Gretchen." In my case, obviously this would translate to "Be Tara Dawn." Being myself implies that I should probably only focus on changing those things I truly want to change versus what I feel I might "need" to change. Similarly (to some degree) is one of Rubin's Secrets of Adulthood which states, "You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do." So I am trying to find a balance between making choices about changing things in a way to be authentic to my true self (including choosing what I do) while deciding if there might also be changes that I may not feel like I want to make right now, but may be beneficial to me (and others) in the long-run.
For Rubin, the entire concept of her project rested on the concept of happiness and involved a lot of research about what constitutes happiness as well as how happiness impacts the lives of ourselves and those around us. For me, considering this project is about happiness to a degree, but it is also (perhaps more critically) about learning more about myself, growing as a person, and improving the way I'm living life. For years now, I have verbalized my desire and intent to truly live life as compared to merely surviving life. And yet making the decisions about how to do that and taking the necessary actions to make it happen have eluded me on more occasions that I care to admit. I could probably spend the next several years continuing to talk about how important it is to embrace life, to live it fully, to enjoy every moment as much as possible, all the while not actually translating my words into my behaviors. I could also probably make a thousand excuses for why I continue to put this so-called project off, but life is short and we all start somewhere and for multiple reasons, I feel like now is the time. Keeping my commitment to this "project" might be my greatest, most challenging change...I'll have to give that more thought.
For now, there are a few ideas that keep forcing their way to the surface, so clearly these are issues I need to consider for my "project." The first is to STOP COMPLAINING. I have a really bad habit of complaining, particularly about health-related symptoms and physical discomfort. I know from experience that the habit of complaining is annoying and frustrating to others and it certainly has no chance of improving anyone's happiness. Knowing this on an intellectual level has not stopped the behavior thus far though, and perhaps giving more thought as to why I complain so much in the first place might help in decreasing its frequency.
The second is to EXPLORE WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY. From the age of 17 until 30, I was in school...first college, then my masters graduate program, then my doctorate program and residency. Even after completing my dissertation and all those years of school, I had another year of post-doctoral fellowship and then the long and arduous process of licensure. In essence, I didn't have much time to consider what made me happy during those 13 years, so in many ways, I feel as though this is new territory for me. I have ideas of things I think make me happy, but those are generally based on my experiences during a time of numerous imposed limitations. Also, many of those beliefs stemmed from the time before my extensive schooling, and clearly things can change a great deal over the period of a decade. In any case, I am ready to devote time and energy to exploring what makes me happy, what I enjoy, and also what I don't even if I feel as though I should (reference Rubin's Secrets of Adulthood, "What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.").
Those two ideas/resolutions/commitments are enough for me to consider right now. I need to give both more thought and devise ways to ensure that I actually follow-through and address them adequately. No doubt, all this thinking will lead to more thoughts and ultimately more ideas for my "project."
Thanks for the inspiration, Gretchen Rubin:)
